Where Words Go

Things I write go here

Month: August, 2019

It Hurts

Depression because of rejection.

A deep, abiding pain that hurts the heart

And scars the soul.

What am I supposed to do now?

Be a fighter, I guess.

But I’ve already fought for so long.

How much more fight do I have in me?

I’m not sure there’s much left to go around.

Hello

Hello, old friend. It’s been a while. There have been so many changes. So many moves in life, job changes, graduate school, and the best relationship I’ve ever had.

I look back at my old writing and remember how hurt relationships–friendships and otherwise–made me. I don’t miss that at all.

I’ve struggled a lot, and I’m proud of what I have accomplished, even though there’s much more to accomplish. I started blogging about my mental health, of course creating a new site for it. This site was always meant to be my creative blog. Where I throw up short stories, poems, even small updates to help me remember that even small accomplishments are accomplishments.

I lost two pets last year in July–15 year old Cocker Spaniel, and a 17 year old tabby cat–within four days of each other.

I spent a long time unemployed, even though I worked my ass off and got a high enough grade point average to get into an honors program for graduate school.

When I was two weeks from starting graduate school in 2016, and the day I started a new job, my ex, who had said he was going to give me until June, decided April was soon enough. I had two weeks to move out. I was homeless for nearly three months, staying with a friend until I found something affordable an hour and a half away from my job.

I left that state behind by the next year, having lost my friends and support system. My best friend slipped away from me, her relationship becoming more important. My car gave me a lot of trouble for a few years. I even got pulled over a week before I moved out of the state and ticketed for having my old address on my license, and being behind on my inspection.

There is so much more. But now I’m good. Still seeking full time work, but doing some side work that helps. I have a three year old rescue cat that gets along with my ten year old tuxedo cat, and enjoy how cute they are when they play together.

I’m loved as much as I love, and am experiencing a relationship that is real. It comes with its ups and downs, as everything does, but the downs don’t last. We love each other too much to let that happen.

I’ve blogged a lot. Mostly informative blogs. They’re a touch boring, but I’m good at it. Looking back at this site, I miss being creative. There are plenty of creative works I’ve dabbled in over the past few years, but not nearly enough.

Does that mean I’ll come back to this? Try my hand at poetry again? I’m not sure. No promises. I tend to overwhelm myself with things, and this is one thing that may fall to the back of my to do list. I may try. I may take more time to try again. In my own time, I’ll be creative, shared or not, it’s still in here, it still wants to be heard.